My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize