She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
