the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
