i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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