I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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