If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
