Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
