you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize