I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
