You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
