youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
