He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
