Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
