I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
