He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
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We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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