I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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