Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
