I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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