oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Barsexuality is the new black.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
