dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
