Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
