I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Randomize
