They should really pass out barf bags in church
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
