xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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