he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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