She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
