Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
