Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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