Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
