Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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