i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
