it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
