before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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