Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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