Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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