its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
