I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
