My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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