It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
