Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
