So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
