Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
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Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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