I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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