i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
