My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
