So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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