I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
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I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
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They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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