you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
