It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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