goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
