I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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