Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
