When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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