Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
