sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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