She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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