no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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