it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
