Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
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update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
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Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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