Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
