She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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