Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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