weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
