what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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