you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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