I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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