Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
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It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
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And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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