I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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