Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
