Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
