if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
