my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
