We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
