meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My dick has a subreddit
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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