the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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