Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I will pee on everything he values.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
