I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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