worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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