I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Found your dick twin last night
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
