i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I deserve this hangover.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
