Got a toothbrush?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Randomize
