so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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