Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
