I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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