You made me cry and you don't even care
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
