i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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